Friday Night

So this weekend started off by really pissing me off. Two of the Sea Scouts flaked on the Scuba class we had planned. This was frustrating to me because they did it at the last moment. They called me at five in the afternoon to cancel going to a class that started in two hours. It kills me to see this kind of irresponsibility. Why should I put effort into making fun and good opportunities for them if they are going to throw them away like dirty gum wrappers. It makes no sense to me to spend hours of my time for things to be tossed aside like it was never there. If they knew what went into it all maybe they would appreciate it more. To try to explain how mad I was is hard for me. You need to know my history. I grew up with my mother in the back woods of California. She is a wonderful lady who had had five kids grow up by the time I came along. She had understanding and patience with me that the others only wished for. My father on the other hand beat me like a redheaded stepchild when I was around him. My brothers and I saw him raise his hand to us often. My brothers more so then me because they lived with him. The lack of logic in his behavior left me with a temper. An anger at life. I have also lived with pain my whole life and that made me feel as though I should be dead rather than living that way. I have had chronic pain in my back, neck and sciatic nerve for 22 of my 27 years. I talked of dieing to my mother when I was in first grade. It made me very angry as a kid to be in pain. It still does when it is bad. I have an undercurrent that can over take my thoughts in a hurry. I have been conscious of it since my late teens. I have always worked to keep it under control. When they throw away my work and effort as though it were meaning less to them it makes me angry. I do not lose control anymore, I just feel the anger. It is good to be mature and know that it is an emotion and a part of life. It is like breathing crisp air on a cold morning. One person could see it as a bad thing. The next sees it as a good thing. It is good to be alive even when life around you is hard. Even when the people around you that you work so hard throw your efforts away with no thought. I pity them and the things that are going to happen to them when they grow up and have to learn these things the hard way. I wish I could open their eyes now but there is no way that I have found as of yet. I am grateful for my anger, my sadness, my happiness, my emotions are like the air I breathe. It makes life a much more colorful picture. Without it life would be a poor black and white drawing, with the emotions it is the best color photo or painting of all time. I will never forget this period of my life. I have finally grown to appreciate the big and the little things in life. I don’t stress like I used to. I see it all a bit clearer. So they backed out for real weak reasons like I forgot and I don’t feel so good. I might down the road have homework. So at that point I called Jim and he added us to the Sunday class. That worked for me but adds a bit of complication to Max’s life. I think we got it all figured out though. Class on Sunday went well and looks like it will be a lot of fun. I am looking forward to learning to Scuba Dive. It should be right up my alley. I love the water and being beneath the surface should be a lot of fun. We shall see how it all goes. The homework for the class looks easy and the stuff we have to learn looks easy. A bit of memorization and tables stuff but not too hard. I am glad Max didn’t flake on me I was going to be alone. It is nice to have someone you know in a class like this. It is nice to have someone who will consistently be your buddy and have your back. Someone you can trust. Very nice to have in a sport like diving. D